Rumor Hutch -4.29.09

-Why heavens be, I'm hearing with my own ears that Trevor Ariza might sell that mule of his.

-That Spencer Hawes fellow has high plans to get himself a second shiny identification card, just in case that foreign point guard dripped a little sweat on him while they was socializing.

-Donyell Marshall stopped sending money to the church back home, some say he's taken to drink or taken up with a new woman.

-Chris Quinn has eyes like a brush fire.

-I like a man who isn't afraid to gripe a little in the heart of a skirmish. It keeps the soul healthy, and afterward, we can all have a good laugh about it. Paul Pierce, he can wear my burlap any day.

-Andre Miller is why the Spanish stopped looking for the Fountain of Youth. It just ain't that fun.

-Blind item: What third-string journeyman guard is known to spend his weeknights tearing the guts out of the recently deceased? He eats them if he's already crying.

-Francisco Garcia bought a harp.

Rumor Mill - 04.28.09

- One-and-doner who went from being a bear to being a wolf in talks to star as "Ken" in live-action Barbie biopic.

- Pistons interested in working out Tyler Hansbrough's father; looking for good orthopedist. Tyler can watch, hand tools to dad. Hansbrough Boys not considered a package deal, which Pistons would prefer.

- Tipster at 8:14 PDT: Stack Jack is at a Bay Area In-n-Out ordering animal fries.

- Drew Gooden owns a monogrammed cock ring that he received as a gift from Dennis Rodman

- Someone who's been to Marcus Camby's LA condo says his window treatments make Shawn Marion's look second-rate.

Rumor Mill - 04.27.09

- So you come home from work. You notice the front door unlocked. You hear sounds coming from your bedroom. You enter and see your wife in bed with Jackie Christie and Ruben Studdard. Your name? Steve Kerr.

- Rumor that won't die, no matter what: Josh Boone is a wonderful short-order cook.

- Thaddy Young is coming out with an argyle-only line of designer underwear.

- A friend of this site assures us that Hilton Armstrong's girlfriend has, in fact, had her period this month. False alarm.

- Update (and upset): Jamal Crawford had a last-minute change of heart and just started Jane Eyre. Different Bronte!

Solitary Sucks

Just got out of solitary. Fucking CO's said I gave heroin to Alvarez. I will be on the computer later; want to see highlights of the NBA Playoffs.

Rumor Mill - 04.26.09

- Found this in our e-web mailbox, from a tipster: "Was walking down the block with my dog last night. I live in Oklahoma City. Was looking at my bberry as my dog started barking loudly. I looked up, and there was Nenad Krstic, staring back at my dog, Mr. TyroneMenage, and giving him the finger. Who gives a dog the finger?"

Yeah, really? And buy a vowel.

- Gerald Wallace hosting Kids Choice Awards.

- Marquis Daniels starting charity to send underprivileged youth to amusement parks. Name is Nice Dolphin, N*gga Association (NDNA).

- Multiple sources claiming that Etan Thomas orders his filet medium, but his New York strip medium well.

- Can you think of which NBA player is most likely to tell a woman he'll only sleep with her if she'll agree to let him keep his socks on? If you can, email funkhouser.marty@gmail.com. First five people to give correct answer win a Wayman Tisdale guitar pick.